


Little Talks

by amaronith



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-06 03:27:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17337722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amaronith/pseuds/amaronith
Summary: Fjord ran his hands through his hair with a sigh. He knew what he needed to do, but it was hard - he didn't want to face the reality that he had fucked this up beyond repair, but ignoring it was sitting like a rock in his gullet, hard to swallow and choking him.





	Little Talks

**Author's Note:**

> This is getting jossed as soon as the break is over but I don't care I need this.
> 
> Posting from my phone with no beta so sorry for any mistakes.

Fjord ran his hands through his hair with a sigh. He knew what he needed to do, but it was hard - he didn't want to face the reality that he had fucked this up beyond repair, but ignoring it was sitting like a rock in his gullet, hard to swallow and choking him.

He straightened his shoulders and clenched his jaw before heading out of his room and stopping the first crewman he saw. “You know where Nott is?”

“Should be with the cannons, Cap'n,” the man said, and Fjord clapped him on the shoulder.

“Thanks. Keep up the good work.”

“Aye aye, sir.”

Fjord told himself he wasn't rushing, he was power walking, and that he wasn't nervous at all.

He was never all that good at lying to himself like this, but it couldn't hurt to try.

He found Nott where he was told she'd be, checking on the cannons and taking inventory. “Everything in order here, Nott?”

“Of course,” she looked up at him. “I'll have you know I run a tight ship when it comes to these babies.”

Fjord chuckled. “Never doubted it for a moment. Say, uh, Nott?”

“Yes?”

“Can I speak with you for a moment? Alone?”

Nott stared at him for a long moment, looking him up and down. “Fine. Your quarters?”

Fjord nodded, and he could only be grateful that Nott was willing to walk back in silence.

She was best friends with Caleb, after all, maybe she understood when a man needed it to collect his thoughts.

Once they were in his room, Nott sat on the bed. “Here we are. What's up, Fjord?”

Fjord took a deep breath. “It’s been brought to my attention that I've been a might bit unfair to you, and my teasing might've been…” he took a slow breath. “More cruel than friendly without my intending it to be so.”

(Beau had dragged him aside once they had gotten back on the boat. “You said that we need to check each other when we're being assholes, Fjord, and you are crossing a fucking line with the way you've been teasing Nott. It's not fucking cool, dude.”

“But-”

“No. No but's. Apologize to her, and soon, because this isn't okay. You don't tease your friends about things that terrify them. You just don't.”)

“Yes. It has been,” Nott said, her voice flat and blunt. “But… I understand that all of this is important to you, Fjord. And we're friends, right? Friends support each other.”

“And how supportive have I been, making light of your fear like that? As much as I needed you down there with me, I could've-”

“Fjord.” Nott watched him, golden eyes almost glowing in the dim light of his room. “What are you trying to say?”

Fjord swallowed hard. “Nott, I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry.”

Nott tilted her head curiously at him. “Come here.”

Fjord moved to sit next to her on the bed, and he nearly startled when he felt her hand on his shoulder. “Nott-?”

“You really haven't been yourself lately, Fjord. Are you okay?”

He wasn't sure what compelled him, but here, in the dim light of his room, he couldn't help but tell her the truth. “I haven't been myself for a long time, Nott,” he said, without the drawl that he knew Nott thought if as his real voice. “Everything you've thought I was… I've been mimicking Vandren. And now I'm beginning to realize I didn't know him at all.”

He felt the mattress under him shift, but he was still surprised when he felt Nott's clawed fingers in his hair as she wrapped her arms around him and pressed his head to her chest. “Oh, Fjord… It's okay. It will be okay.”

He tucked his face into her throat without thinking about it. “I don't know what I'm doing, Nott. I don't know anything about any of this and I feel like I'm drowning and every damn time I try to grasp at something to learn more about what's happening to me I get dragged further down and more confused-”

“Shhhh,” she rested her cheek against the top of his head as she rubbed at his back. “Just breathe, Fjord. I'm here. The others are here. We won't let you drown.”

“Nott-”

“It’s okay, sweetie. I'm here.”

She sounded so much like Fjord had always imagined a mother should sound, how he had dreamed his mother sounded when he was a child.

Fjord wrapped his arms around Nott and hugged her back, as tight as he dared.

“Who else knows? About all this?”

“Jester knows.”

“All right. It's up to you if you want to share this with the others, but I won't say anything until you decide to tell them. At least about how you've been copying Vandren this whole time.”

Fjord let her go, and she let him pull away from her. “'Preciate it,” he murmured, back in Vadren's drawl.

“But Fjord?”

“Hm?”

“I'm really looking forward to meeting you one day.”

Fjord looked up at her, blinking in surprise at her smile. “...thanks Nott.”

She smoothed her hands through his hair, putting it in order. “But I swear to all that's holy if you try to get me underwater with talk of fucking buttons again, I'm shooting you in the kneecaps.”

“....good talk, Nott.”


End file.
